So, I guess, for this one some background information may be necessary.
It is important to know that I work on the phone for a living. I talk to people, complete strangers, and ask them for money. The first time I was exposed to this type of work I was 19 years old. I excelled at the job, but like most 19 year old's I wasn't quite practiced at being an adult. Since then I haven't learned a whole hell of a lot about adulthood, but I have picked up a thing or two about the job.
For the last 4 years I've worked in a call center of some sort. Currently I work for a company that I won't be naming, but I make fundraising phone calls. I really do find my job to be rewarding, but it's also a great trial. This is one topic you'll read about fairly often, mostly because some of the people on the other end of the phone are, to put it lightly, bat shit fucking nuts. Some of the weirdest shit comes out of these peoples mouths.
But today, I want to discuss answering machines...I feel as if there needs to be a general rule about them. Or multiple. Or maybe just four.
1. For the love of all things holy--do NOT put your children on the answering machine.
Don't get me wrong, I love children. I'm Aunty to the world, but I sometimes want to actually understand the message I'm trying to listen to. Kids are cute, however, they are not your or anyone's secretaries. There's at least one reason for that.
Think of all the times your child looks at you and says something, in gibberish, that you can't even begin to understand? Now why in the world would you think those who are childless would understand it!?!? I still need a translator for a niece or nephew I have that is under 3!
Also- those little 'Mickey Mouse' voices that are so high and precious...when yelling into a tiny microphone and then blown into my eardrum become sort of a bother. It's so loud...I swear...it's torture.
2. Don't sing. Just do not do that. If you're singing on your answering machine it's because it's the only way you can force people to listen to you. I'll bet you my left tit that a person who is singing on their answering machines gets 50% less messages because people can't hold out until the end.
3. Don't introduce your pets on the phone. I know you love all 19 of your cats but there are reasons this type of answering machine intro is a bad idea:
A- Least likely result, you'll lose a date. Though, if you're introducing your 19 cats that ship has most likely sailed.
B- People like me, know how to use your crazy against you. You, my friend are simply giving me ammo.
C- Do you really want to be that person? I know it's wrong, but people naturally judge others...so do you really want to make that type of impression right off the bat? I think not.
4. Your answering machine, believe it or not, is not a platform for saving my soul. There is a time and place to minister and while I'm trying to sucker money of you is not it. No amount of one line Bible verses at the end of your answering machine will really help me...I'm a bit too far gone at this point.
In addition- what if I DID want to discuss your religion. Not super helpful to start that conversation off one sided...honestly, that's just a little rude.
I know it may sound...cranky...to demand so much from people and their answering machines, but you only have to hear it every once in a while. I have to here it all day...every day. This is how psychotic breaks happen...
Friday, January 18, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Lunatic Fringe
Recently, I've been asked by various friends and family about my blog. I use to be pretty into book blogging, but in the last couple of years, I've fallen away from it.
Now, however, I feel as if I have a TON to say, and damn it, audience or no, I will say it.
So this new space on the World Wide Web (remember when we actually used that term?) is a place for me to truly let all my crazy shine.
I plan to continue reviewing books, while adding random tirades about people, places, and things that bother me. Two topics that can you can look forward to are People that Sing on the Bus and That Last Step Before the Escalator Ends.
For those who may be reading this and don't know me, or don't know me well, I suppose the next logical step is a brief introduction.
I am a 27 year old single chick who lives in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
If only that's where it stopped, but then if it was, this wouldn't be half as much fun would it?
I am...unique. I am often a contradiction, always just a little bit snarky, but fairly polite, I hate people in general but love the job I do which is based on talking to complete strangers for hours at a time. I am extremely self-conscious but also egotistical and self-centered. I come from a pretty poor background but can sound expensively educated when I really want to. When I'm in a good mood I watch documentaries about The Holocaust. My personal favorite is: I am an only child, but I also have 7 siblings.
I'm also...quirky. I never let anyone else shuffle the cards, and I have to keep score, even though I can't do math. I am just now getting to a point in which I can sleep without having a documentary on...but it's been a slow progression and we're not out of the woods yet. I'm a grammar Nazi, or so I'm told. I think when people say 'I seen' and I sincerely feel that the Buffalo Bill like serial killer rage that it induces it's perfectly appropriate (but I suck at using commas correctly). Whistling is absolutely forbidden when in any room I have control over and most public places. Don't sing when there's no music playing. I will hate you. Forever. If you are one of those people who drums their fingers on a table be prepared to be asked how long you'd like to keep your phalanges because I would truly like to remove them with a dull blade. Also, for the love of all things holy, do not, EVER shake the damn couch with your leg. If you want to move, that's delightful, but if I wanted to move, I wouldn't be sitting here. If I wanted to vibrate I would have put a fucking quarter in. This will also put you on the list of people that could save my life and I'd still want to take their eyes.
Maybe I'm just a bitch.
2012 wasn't good to me. A relationship that I was a fan of, ended. Suddenly, over the phone. After 3 years. So I made this huge move, well, not compared to others I've made, but still...I moved. The town I came from, which I lived on the outskirts of, has about 1,400 people. Now I live in Pittsburgh...and I really don't feel like looking up the population, but it seems as if it's much more than 1,400. It was a hard transition at first, and I learned that on top of all that controlling weirdness above, I'm also fairly closed minded and judgmental. I'm working on it...
I have also realized that there are these things I want to get done with my life, which is new to me, because I've been fairly spontaneous all my life, so planning is odd.
At this point, I'm a person finding a whole bunch of new things that seem a little more than interesting about herself, and wants to explore as many of them as possible. I'm quite sure some of it will be entertaining and I also want to share some stories from my past that need to out among the public I am sure...so I'm here to document myself for a while and I'm letting other people 'watch the magic happen'.
Enjoy...
Now, however, I feel as if I have a TON to say, and damn it, audience or no, I will say it.
So this new space on the World Wide Web (remember when we actually used that term?) is a place for me to truly let all my crazy shine.
I plan to continue reviewing books, while adding random tirades about people, places, and things that bother me. Two topics that can you can look forward to are People that Sing on the Bus and That Last Step Before the Escalator Ends.
For those who may be reading this and don't know me, or don't know me well, I suppose the next logical step is a brief introduction.
I am a 27 year old single chick who lives in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
If only that's where it stopped, but then if it was, this wouldn't be half as much fun would it?
I am...unique. I am often a contradiction, always just a little bit snarky, but fairly polite, I hate people in general but love the job I do which is based on talking to complete strangers for hours at a time. I am extremely self-conscious but also egotistical and self-centered. I come from a pretty poor background but can sound expensively educated when I really want to. When I'm in a good mood I watch documentaries about The Holocaust. My personal favorite is: I am an only child, but I also have 7 siblings.
I'm also...quirky. I never let anyone else shuffle the cards, and I have to keep score, even though I can't do math. I am just now getting to a point in which I can sleep without having a documentary on...but it's been a slow progression and we're not out of the woods yet. I'm a grammar Nazi, or so I'm told. I think when people say 'I seen' and I sincerely feel that the Buffalo Bill like serial killer rage that it induces it's perfectly appropriate (but I suck at using commas correctly). Whistling is absolutely forbidden when in any room I have control over and most public places. Don't sing when there's no music playing. I will hate you. Forever. If you are one of those people who drums their fingers on a table be prepared to be asked how long you'd like to keep your phalanges because I would truly like to remove them with a dull blade. Also, for the love of all things holy, do not, EVER shake the damn couch with your leg. If you want to move, that's delightful, but if I wanted to move, I wouldn't be sitting here. If I wanted to vibrate I would have put a fucking quarter in. This will also put you on the list of people that could save my life and I'd still want to take their eyes.
Maybe I'm just a bitch.
2012 wasn't good to me. A relationship that I was a fan of, ended. Suddenly, over the phone. After 3 years. So I made this huge move, well, not compared to others I've made, but still...I moved. The town I came from, which I lived on the outskirts of, has about 1,400 people. Now I live in Pittsburgh...and I really don't feel like looking up the population, but it seems as if it's much more than 1,400. It was a hard transition at first, and I learned that on top of all that controlling weirdness above, I'm also fairly closed minded and judgmental. I'm working on it...
I have also realized that there are these things I want to get done with my life, which is new to me, because I've been fairly spontaneous all my life, so planning is odd.
At this point, I'm a person finding a whole bunch of new things that seem a little more than interesting about herself, and wants to explore as many of them as possible. I'm quite sure some of it will be entertaining and I also want to share some stories from my past that need to out among the public I am sure...so I'm here to document myself for a while and I'm letting other people 'watch the magic happen'.
Enjoy...
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